{12/01/2012}   Jelly sweets and lack of willpower

It’s 5.34pm, hurrah for it not being so late I am struggling to stay awake. I have just eaten most of a bag of jelly snakes (I am so weak when it comes to jelly sweets) and have a slight niggle of nausea. I think I prefer poopedness!

So today, I think I will consider willpower and my lack of it. I know I shouldn’t buy jelly sweets because I will eat them. And I will eat them in one sitting normally and feel horribly sick. I only stopped at about half a bag today because I was starting dinner at the same time as eating them. Talk about ruining your appetite!

I am not religious but I do sometimes give something up for Lent and I often quit alcohol for January. Last year, I gave up all alcohol for January … except bubbly. It was quite a decadent month and it didn’t serve to reduce my alcohol consumption, I just spent more on alcohol!

I usually succeed and don’t find it that hard, but with alcohol I am quite a smug sober so sort of enjoy it after I’ve got over the early-in-the-evening desire to have a drink.

Thinking about it now, it’s just sweets I struggle to control myself over. I suppose that means I should give up sweets for a month. Oh, that’s a dreadful thought, I’d probably turn to chocolate in that case.

I am not being concise or making any good points here, apologies. I guess it means that willpower is about wanting to do something more than not wanting to do it. If someone offered me £1000 or more to give up jelly sweets for a month, I’d want to be successful so I guess I’d be able to resist my urges!

I used to smoke cigarettes, something that absolutely horrifies me now I’ve been a non-smoker for so long, since 9th February 2000. It took me years to give up though. I know that’s a bit different because you’re crossing into addiction, but it was only after years of trying and managing merely to smoke fewer cigarettes that when a friend and I made a pact to quit together, with our last cigarettes being in Bangkok at around 4am, the guilt element got us both to quit. I had the odd relapse, the first being around my one-year anniversary and the last being about five years ago, but I am now confident I will never smoke again.

Guilt can be quite persuasive. I would have felt dreadful telling my friend I’d had a cigarette and I expect she would’ve been the same. But without that element in the quitting process, I would have been smoking for quite some time longer I expect.

In some ways I’d like to have better willpower, not that I think mine is severely lacking, but it’s an almost daily battle with willpower (shall I resist that bag of crisps/bag of sweets/box of jaffa cakes/wasting money on gossip magazines) and when you don’t succumb, you have a potential daily victory to celebrate and facing challenges that can be overcome like this is surely a pretty good thing.


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