{10/07/2012}   Friends with new boyfriends

                A good friend of mine is now officially dating someone I have never met before.  I realise this means that we will soon be meeting (well I hope so, it’d be weird not to meet the boyfriend of a good friend) and I wonder who of the three of us will be more nervous about this.

                I have always kind of dreaded introducing new boyfriends to friends, there is too much squirm and awkwardness potential.  But for the new boyfriend (as is this case, though I’m sure this applies to girlfriends too!), they don’t know their new squeeze particularly well, and certainly not as well as the friend.  Meeting your new partner’s friends is a huge step in the process of getting to know someone, for friends and boyfriends have to muddle along together somehow and if you dislike all or most of their friends, there’s a chance you are not dating the right person, for your friends are a reflection of you.

I think I have always been reasonably well behaved when meeting new boyfriends of friends before, though I know I am prone to gabble and can come across as a bit of a wally at first.  I do feel it’s really important to get to know new boyfriends and it is not as stressful or horrid an experience as I am perhaps implying, I am just feeling aware that it’s coming up.  He sounds interesting though and I’m sure if my friend reads this she will be vaguely horrified but, really, I’m looking forward to it!

I recently met another friend’s new squeeze.  He very bravely came along to a karaoke session with about ten of us.  He did a valiant job of getting to know people and getting on with having what ended up being a fun evening.  He was dispatched with soon after though.  I have been a tad on the pissed side when meeting a new boyfriend before and I recall later playing back a few hideously dreadful, embarrassing snippets of drunken conversations.  That’s a round about way of saying that I have disgraced myself with conversation topics in the past, something I hope never to repeat again!

Over the years, there is a chance you will spend a fair bit of time with your friends’ boyfriends, who may become husbands.  For me the test of whether I get on with someone’s partner is whether I could imagine being ok about conversing with the boyfriend if just he and I were stuck in a lift for five hours.  There are some boyfriends of friends (actually, I can’t think of anyone at present, though there have been exes and short-lived flings this would apply to) who I would struggle to get on with in such a scenario, so they fail the lift test.  I struggle with the concept of not getting on with a friend’s boyfriend at all because if your friend can like him, why on earth can’t you at least find something of common interest.  Fortunately a short-lived relationship, but I did once get introduced to someone I could find nothing in common with and who I dreaded even meeting.  I was so relieved that my friend gave up on him soon after a load of her friends met him, though probably not because of us; he really was a [expletive].

I look forward to meeting my good friend’s new fella, though really I think it’ll be worse for her and for him than for me, not that it should really be stressful for anyone as I have faith that she has good taste!  Anyway, another friend and I have already gatecrashed one of their dates by pulling up for a takeaway at the restaurant they were on date number two at – though it was the friend with me who got rumbled and saw them!  So I’ve seen the top of his head and am now labelled a spy, despite it being a total coincidence!


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