{08/01/2013}   What does it take to make much needed change?

For years now I have been whimpering about the direction my life seems to be heading in versus the direction I would like it to be heading in, yet I have done nothing about that imbalance.  In the past year, three people have died whose lives affected mine (if only briefly in two cases) and after each one died I vowed to get on with things, appreciate that I could and take a few risks in the pursuit of things I want to do.  I have not done that either.  Yet.

Believe it or not I am not writing this feeling maudlin, I am actually feeling unexpectedly positive.  There has recently been a whole series of events in my life (to be precise, from 28th December 2012 to 7th January 2013) that I realise this morning have given me a clarity I have not had for ages, aided I am sure by an unheard-of six consecutive nights of good sleep.  Where I’ve gone wrong before is in ignoring such thoughts.  Sadly, I have no great plans but I do have a conviction that it’s about time I did proactive things to, as it were, hack away at the brambles separating the path I’m on with the one I want to be on … no, with the one I want to make.

I know this all sounds a bit airy fairy and vague but my mind is buzzing with ideas and it feels good, particularly as a final straw to my current path was such a seemingly small one, preceded by one of the worst kind.

As for the question which is the heading of this post, it does amaze me how many dramatic or drastic things happen in our lives which really should make us question and change things, yet we seem to endure so much before we make changes.  In terms of jobs, I know of a few people who have been made redundant during this recession but all have either got new jobs or have taken the opportunity to re-train and/or do something they’d previously thought they’d never have the opportunity to do.  It is easier to make changes when you absolutely have to, eg to pay your rent or mortgage.

Recently, I’ve wanted to do a big challenge for charity but I don’t know what I could do.  There is no way I will ever do a marathon.  The very depth of my no-ness to doing a marathon may imply to some that it would make a brilliant challenge but I hate running, I already have dicky knees and I have knobbly feet which I doubt would fare well with miles and miles of pavement pounding.  Plus I hate crowds.  Oh, it makes me shudder and scowl to think of it!  What I would really like to do is an arctic challenge, particularly while I’m still a bit tubby, ie well insulated!  The big problem with things like that is that they require a lot of specialist training and they don’t happen that often.  However, I write all this and that kind of challenge isn’t what I have in mind.  I want and need to change my every day life, starting with work and the earning of money.  I give myself 2013 to sort that out – generous, a whole year!


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