greenbottletree











At 3am, in case of snow,

Look out the window, see it blow;

A bit of white,

At night so bright.

 

When morning comes and trains should run

The thought of snow becomes less fun

For “cancelled” and “delayed” you see

On platform signs flick’ring at thee.

 

Now how to spend this waiting time?

Update your status; a Facebook whine.

Your fingers may be frightf’lly nippy

But get your post up ‘n’ make it zippy.

 

There’s always hope to have a snow day

For getting home there could be no way.

For hours you could wait like a veritable mug

With clothing that won’t keep you snug.

 

This point of feeling nowt but brrrrr,

You understand why Russians wear fur.

You look around at slush and ice

And no longer think that snow’s so nice.

 

When home you get, ‘bout three hours late,

You can’t help but think that snow’s not great.

But next day comes, more snow-no work

Out in the park you run, you laugh; you go berserk!

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{26/02/2012}   A poem about stenography

Off to lunch and out to play

Are mid-week treats, I’m bound to say.

But then I’ll have a chunk of work

And then there’ll be not time to shirk.

 

I moaned a lot about last week

But sympathy I do not seek

For at the moment work is sparse

And I’m just glad to make some brass.

 

Here’s my day on Tuesday last,

A worst-case-day I’m pleased is past:

We need laptops, mics and stuff;

Without this back-up our work’s more tough.

 

But customs had not let it go,

Our day ahead was full of woe.

Polish names and accents strong;

Half past 9 to 5.10 long.

 

About my job more should be said:

We are a team of writer/ed.

What I write the ed will see,

Checking what’s wrote, she’ll edit me.

 

Sometimes it’s hard to catch a word;

We oft in error things have heard.

Our audio synchs with what is wrote,

So if it’s wrong, the ed will change the writer’s note.

 

Sometimes it’s fast or hard to hear,

Often speakers just aren’t clear.

On days like that our job won’t end;

Court will stop, yet hours more we’ll have to spend.

 

When names come up I do not know,

I use phonetics for the word to show.

But when the names are English not,

They almost never can be got.

 

So that is why this day was fraught,

For every word could not be caught.

But still we got a transcript sent

And 9.45 to dinner we went.

 

But the clients were great and many breaks we got,

Fab warm lunch half 12 on the dot.

One read the transcript and next day said,

“T’was so good I read it all in bed.”

 

So foul and tiring though it was

There were some highlights, these were because:

Annette the ed was super great

Despite no equipment being our fate.

 

She helped to keep me slightly sane

When my sense of humour was on the wane.

At times this job is challenging, tough,

I oft proclaim, “I’ve had enough.”

 

Sometimes I love it, a lot of times not,

I’ve laughed and cried and good friends got.

But ten years now I’ve been at this gaff,

A voyeur in a room with a Stenograph!



Today I saw a deli announcing it sold “Panini’s”. This is wrong on three levels, which is outrageous, particularly as they claimed to be an Italian deli. Panini is the plural of panino, in which case the ‘s’ is so wrong it pains me to contemplate. As for the apostrophe? Hello? Where is the belonging in a list? Oh, unless [Mr] Panini owns the cafe and it’s [Mr] Panini’s sandwiches (interestingly no apostrophe necessary for that “s”.

Why can’t people get the apostrophe right? There are far more difficult things to learn than the simple use of an apostrophe. And why don’t the people who make signs correct the English? If I were making the Waterstone’s sign, there would be a bloody great apostrophe there. Harrod’s? Same.

Why would I sell apples, banana’s, strawberries and orange’s? It’s a list, they’re plurals, be consistent even. Just add an ‘s’.

An idea: An apostrophe song to the tune of O Christmas Tree [it turns out this is less than 500 words but a song doesn’t consist of sentences so it’s also a lesson in, erm, abbreviation?!]:

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Why are you used so dreadfully!

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Why are you used so dreadfully!

The sight of thee on signs around

Misplaced and added lib’rally

Why are you used so dreadfully!

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Thou serves a wond’rous purpose:

Thou dost make plain a thing that’s mine

Good use of me makes it is it’s!

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Thou serves a wond’rous purpose.

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

I love you used correctly

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

I love you used correctly

A letter’s missed, you take its place

But when plural you have no place
Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

I love you used correctly!

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Don’t put me in your apple’s

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Your presence there ain’t welcome

For seeing signs with you misused

Is oh so wrong it pains me so

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Don’t put me in your apple’s.
Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Your misuse is a travesty!

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Your misuse is a travesty!

On lists of things you should not be;

Mine, his, yours, its, one’s not required!

Apostrophe, Apostrophe!

Your misuse is a travesty!



et cetera